Early this morning I was doing laundry in the back yard when I heard my friend Bundung calling my name. I went out front to see what she wanted and found her red and teary eyed. Choking back tears, she explained that she was leaving for Casamance (the part of Senegal south of the Gambia), immediately. After asking a few questions, I learned out that her husband-to-be's brother came to collect her. He arrived last night and they left early this morning to make it back home before night. So he whisked Bundung away and now she is gone. No one knows if or when she will be able to come back to see her family and friends, as that will be decided by her husband and his mother. She has never met her new husband or his family and I doubt she has ever been as far as Kombo (the urban area around the capital of The Gambia), much less Cassamance. Her new husband apparently spent some time in “toubabadou” (white man land) though, so he most likely has money, making it a "good match" for her.
Now, I didn't even know Bundung was getting married, and she's only 16 or 17 years old, so, as you might imagine, this all came as quite a shock. I tried to ask her how much warning she had of this impending crisis (if any), but even with assistance, the message didn't compute. I realized later why. It's irrelevant. Everything from circumcision ceremonies to religious holidays to trips to visit friends or family is announced at the last minute here. The concept of having more than a few hours to prepare, either physically or mentally, just doesn't exist. When it's time, you drop everything and switch gears. Why should a new wife being taken away to her husband's family be any different?
Arranged marriages and the practice of new (and often very young) wives being taken away to live with their new husband's families are far from unique to The Gambia. Looking back at history, as well as at modern marriage practices around the world, what we consider “normal” is, in fact, very much the exception. Young women in our culture are incredibly fortunate to have the control we do over our own futures and we shouldn't for a minute take it for granted.
2 comments:
The instant marriage is quite sobering and clearly traumatic for Bundung even though she is familiar with the cultural marriage norms. I wonder why the culture does not see a need to give people time to adjust mentally to all sorts of plans, as you said, visits to friends, let alone life cycle events and holidays. Do you have any insights into why culturally people do not feel a need for this time or do not honor a need if its is felt? What do these practices (lack of notice) tell you about Gambian culture and our culture?
BTW, that is some braid job you got, Sarah. It looks really lovely from the back. Try that one once you're back in the USA. It will definitely turn some heads.
All our best for 2011 - healthy, peaceful, productive and happy.
Love,
Debbie
Thanks for your comment, Debbie. My guess is that the need to "mentally prepare" for various events, whether minor or major, is a culturally constructed need. In other words, we need time to mentally prepare for things because we are conditioned to need it.
RE my braids, my Gambian friends keep asking me if I'm going to have my hair braided in the US. I tell them maybe, but honestly, I'm not really planning on it. It's fun while I'm here, but it's sort of a "when in Rome" kind of thing.
Sarah
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